In this video, Brené Brown discusses the concept of blame, explaining how it is a way for people to discharge discomfort and pain. She highlights the difference between blame and accountability, emphasizing that blame can be corrosive in relationships and can prevent us from empathizing with others.

How many of you are blamers? How many of you, when something goes wrong, the first thing you want to know is whose fault it is? Hi, my name is Brene. I am a blamer. I need to tell you this quick story. This is a couple of years ago when I first realized the magnitude to which I blame. I'm in my house, I'm wearing white slacks and a pink sweater set, and I'm drinking a cup of coffee in my kitchen. It's a full cup of coffee. I drop it on the tile floor. It shatters into a million pieces, splashing up all over me. The first thing, I mean, a millisecond after it hit the floor, right out of my mouth is this: "Damn you, Steve." Steve is my husband. Let me tell you how fast this works for me. Steve plays water polo with a group of friends, and the night before he went to play water polo. I said, "Hey, make sure you come back at 10 because I can never fall asleep until you're home." He got back at 10:30. So, I went to bed a little bit later than I thought. Ergo, my second cup of coffee that I probably would not be having had he come home when we discussed. Therefore, as I'm cleaning up the kitchen, Steve calls. I see the caller ID, I'm like, "Hey." He's like, "Hey, what's going on, babe?" I reply, "I'll tell you exactly what's going on. I'm cleaning up the coffee that spilled." All I hear is the dial tone because he knows. How many of you go to that place when something bad happens, the first thing you want to know is whose fault is it? I'd rather it be my fault than no one's fault. Why? Because it gives us some semblance of control. But here, if you enjoy blaming, this is where you should stick your fingers in your ears and hum "la la la," because I'm getting ready to ruin it for you. Here's what we know from the research: blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability, by definition, is a vulnerable process. It means me calling you and saying, "Hey, my feelings were really hurt about this," and talking. It's not blaming. Blaming is simply a way that we discharge anger. People who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit to actually hold people accountable because we expend all of our energy raging for 15 seconds and figuring out whose fault something is. Blaming is very corrosive in relationships, and it's one of the reasons we miss our opportunities for empathy. Because when something happens and we're hearing a story, we're not really listening. We're in the place where I was, making the connections as quickly as we can about whose fault something was.